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Saving Songwriters - My journey back by knowing the why.

Knowing the why.

There is always a point on any journey of personal growth where knowing the why is critical. My journey back has been one of ups and downs. Some of the downs left me questioning if my why was real or even enough. The lowest point of my life was just over a year ago when I was taken to hospital unable to walk, stand or even speak properly.

Tested by my lowest point.

A number of things were a constant in my life even though I struggled to see them at the time. The love of my wife kept me going and my faith in God. It is hard to be forgiving when you are in constant pain and the drugs, they give you don’t really scratch the surface. Both light and sound gave me splitting headaches and in a busy hospital they are both in abundance.

The constant round of doctors saying we don’t know what is wrong with you, more tests, more blood given and caring nurses saying I should open the windows and curtains to feel better.

Opening the door to death

Then a phycologist or psychiatrist asking if I had suicidal thoughts. I hadn’t up until then but I had a lot of time on my hands and I am good at planning. I set my mind to it and came up with a plan. A day came when I was pushed to the edge and over it by another patient screaming in the room, I was in. No-one tried to stop her and it felt like nails being hammered into my head so I screamed back and everyone came running. Later I asked if I could go to the chapel to get some peace but the sister said no, she didn’t have the staff. It was the first step to my plan. I can’t say if I would have gone through with the plan that night but I was willing to take the first step.

The journey back

Forward just over a year and I don’t know who the sister was but there was a good chance that night would have been my last. I know I had experienced the lowest point in my life and I am still here. I often think back to that night and make the decision that I am going to live my life with meaning. God was watching over me and he kept me from myself. The songs that I write are about relationships, legacy, real success and the darkness. I have the lyrics to a song about the darkness of that night but it is still hard to read let alone write music for and sing. However, I know that when I finally achieve it, I will be able to fully move on with my life.

The journey forward

In the coming weeks I want to share my lyrics and the stories behind them in the hope that they help someone in their lowest point to move on.

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